May 24th 2019
She’s leaving
She is a 20-year-old young woman who came to me because she had a toxic relationship, with a lot of dependence, and she felt confused. During therapeutic support sessions, we saw how her relationship with her mother was also very toxic: her mother was overly manipulative, and was repeating the same pattern she had received from her mother.
During the sessions, it was clear to her and to me that it was necessary that she left her place and find another one for her own. She is a person with a lot of skills and she is smart, but she couldn’t develop herself because of her mother.
This way, she came to the conclusion that going abroad to do an internship on child education was a good idea. My role all the time was to support her in her decision, following her steps to find resources, while we kept going deeper into how her relationship with her mother has had an impact on other aspects of her life, like her relationship with her partner. Somehow, she has been showing emotional dependence with all her ex-partners.
I thought it was a smart strategy, and part of the process is to not make her feel guilty for doing it this way. Guilt in the relationship with parents is a common element when working with young people (it also happens with adults). This guilt comes with a feeling of infidelity towards the mother, in this
case, for doing something that it’s the opposite. Involuntarily, some parents go with the speech (verbal and non verbal) like: “I’ve done everything for you, and this is how you repay me?”
I suspect that this will cause grief for having left the family nest, that she will have hope and would want to go back. We have talked about it, she is aware of it, but her desire of leaving is stronger. We will see how she progresses, and I will be there to offer her emotional and psychological support to face anything that might come.