December 10th, 2018
An example of a common situation:
Objective: A and B have to be able to understand the consequences of a joke they made. C and D have to be able to sympathize with that way of understanding that joke and help A and B look for other ways to solve a possible misunderstanding, without aggression.
Methodology: Based on dialog, with the same questions for A and B, and for C and D, each of them separately.
What happened?
How has this situation affected you?
Who else might be affected as well?
How could you have solved it?
Is there anything you need to do/say
to be at ease with what has happened?
In this situation in which my behavior is the same for A and B on one side, and the same for C and D on the other, how can I make sure that both A and B have been empowered equally from the conversation we had, and therefore, the next time they will make other decisions instead of texting something that could hurt their feelings? Or how can I make sure that both C and D have been empowered equally, and therefore, the next time they can use other strategies when facing a possible misunderstanding?
Of course, I will only be able to solve these doubts if a similar situation happens again and they act in a way or another. However, with this example I wanted to exemplify that the ability of reacting in one way or another to the
previous situation – or similar situations – not only depends on this experience, but also their abilities and skills, both at the moment of dealing with that situation and at the moment of dealing with similar situations in the future. That is, even though I, as a teacher, use the same strategies with everybody so they get along and learn from the situations they experience, that doesn’t mean that these strategies work the same way for each of them.
An important element that conditions greatly the conflict management in a situation similar to the one described, is the bond between teacher and students. The bond created between teacher and students is fundamental so that there is empathy between them and a relationship of trust and certainty.
This way, not only we are able to help or be with the student, but also it’s a way of humanize people. It’s hard to create that bond with young people in a formal environment, more so when there’s in between rules, learning, instructions to follow, hierarchy, etc. The vision young people have of their teachers usually is a bit distant. (…) A bond is not something immediate, but rather it takes time and proximity. Personally, one strategy I use to create a bond is to ask them about their interests. It doesn’t always work, and not all students know what they are interested in (there is always that one student that says he/she doesn’t like anything). To know their interests I turn to their families, I ask them what their children like to do or what they do in their spare time or what video games they like to play.
I also try to create this bond inside the classroom, in the context of learning.
I think I help them to empower themselves when managing conflicts, in this case, because they can learn from repetition or imitation of what I do or how I say things. Evidently, their maturity will determine the way they will understand things, but what I want is for them to be able to think about it for a while. This way, they can interiorize that experience as learning something, even if it’s small.
Illustration: Valentí Mambrilla