February 25th, 2019
I have a student who is recently discovering her sexual orientation. One day she came up to me to talk, and explained to me that she had met someone outside school and had become very good friends. She thought she might be in love with her. She was confused. I asked her what she needed, and she said she needed to talk about it. So, I looked for a space between us, so I could listen to her.
(…) I think I have contributed to her wellbeing, and I have helped her put words to the feelings and emotions that maybe she couldn’t express. From this, I think I have helped her organize her thoughts and make the decision of “what
to do” or how to face it.
(…) I have listened to her a lot and have tried to put words to the things she struggled to say. (…) My intervention is destined to normalize all feelings that we have around love, both positive and negative. Also to know how to differentiate when we love someone from having a crush, etc. Finally, I tried to work the subject of talking about this to someone she trusted because she felt bad that she couldn’t tell this to her best friend. At this point, we also worked a little on the fact that we need to know who we can explain these things and try to anticipate how they will react, if that’s the right person to tell these things or not. I tried to talk asking reflexive questions, without telling her what I think she should do. (…)
With these questions, she could start structuring and organizing her feelings. We rounded it up in four spheres: Personal (how I feel and how I can manage it), social (what would happen if I talk about this, what would happen if I don’t: gains and losses), family (how they can be supportive), and reciprocity (how I know or interpret if someone likes me or not: which factors do intervene? Not just my own self, her own self, the environment, the moment, the situation of each person, etc.).
The truth is that I have a bit of a dilemma as to know to what extent I could help her or if I was the right person to do so. I’m her teacher, and I don’t know if I’m overstepping because I think this is a very personal matter. What started as a space to listen
became, in my opinion, a space for learning. Making these discomfort and conflicts too invisible, and work on them later make them harder to manage.
